You don't know your beautiful ..

I know its embarressing I'm using One direction lyrics in my blog but after spending two weeks with 13-15yr olds, you can imagine what music I have been listening too..  Its better than biebs "If I was your boyfriend I'd never let you go".  So two weeks with 48 young teenagers, one week with Horizon I (my 8th graders) and a week with Horizon II (my 9th graders).  But what did I learn??

Suprisingly I learned so much from Horizon I that it was almost a little life changing.  These girls of all sizes, ethnicities and all sorts of crazy taught me something.  Each with natural beauty had this confidence, like "Yeah I'm Sexy and I Know It".  They didn't care what anyone thought of them no matter how crazy or home sick.  They are proud of who they are.  I don't know many middle schoolers that think that way.  As we all know middle school was that awkward stage in our life, I had a jew fro and a mouth full of braces, I know sounds real attractive.  But not all young teenagers can be that great.  My second week at Horizons wasn't nearly as fun as the first.  I had the typical group of teenagers, the clicks; the mean girls.  Reminding me how much I hated middle school because it wasn't based on being yourself it was based on trying to be someone else.  And these girls haven't realized that yet.  The importance of being yourself.  I can try and try to teach them, but It's something you have to teach yourself.  To love yourself for who you are, hell the Horizons I girls figured it out. 

My mom was excited when I got the Horizons job, because she knew I could make a difference in someone's life.  And for the Horizons I girls they made a difference in my life, and I can tell by the letters and songs they made me, I made some kind of impression on them.  For Horizons 2 I didn't give up mom, It's not like me to give up.  But some problems I can't solve, as much as I wanna think I'm a therapist, I'm on the path to be an engineer.  I can give these girls insight but somethings in life you need to learn on your own.

As for me, My sleep schedule has been nutty, My diet has been fantastic =P ( Robro decides that pasta and chicken are the only things to serve to children. To bad I'm a vegetarian and pasta just gets old), and my voice is started to go from yelling so much.... BUT the girls that I work with at Horizons and the girls I have met in the program will forever make a lasting impression on my life...

Thank you girls for life lessons, for waking me up at 5 AM to sing happy birthday to me, for throwing me a birthday party with "sexy craig", for laughing at my jokes, and most importantly putting a smile on my face...

Here's to the good people in the world and a round of applause and hugs to them,

Anybody with me?

This is the hardest story that I've ever told....

Before I start this blog post, I would love to say that my blog has been up and running for a little less than a year, and has over 1000 views.  I thank my friends and family for all taking an interest in my life.  And giving my blog a shot! Support is what I need :), and I am proud to say I am over this "summer rut" I have been stuck in!!

What better lyrics to start this blog, with Mika, in honor of a holiday I celebrate religiously with one of my great friends Brandon Ketteman on every Monday.(Mika Monday of course!!) I have been working hard on this blog post as it will take a lot out of me, hey if its a hard story then there better be a lot to it, and it better be good.

I am almost nearing my  twentieth birthday, when I will be saying good bye to my teenage years and to me this means I am officially an adult.  I was never one of those kids that wished they were older, like "ohh I can't wait till I am 16 so I can drive", in all honesty I hate driving, Its scary haha.  I always enjoyed the age I was at and never expected anything more or less.

I remember when I was younger I was always homesick, and wanted to be home more than anything else.   I never thought I would overcome that, and now my home is temporary.  A place where I visit the folks and catch up with the fam.  Home is like going to a friends house and sleeping over. And I think that's one of the biggest things that finally proves your entering adulthood, the place where you grew up is full of memories, but isn't your permanent home anymore.

 But as I leave my teenage years behind I realized I have done a lot but I also have a lot to learn.

For Example:

• Realizing that I can't make everyone happy, and others emotions shouldn't affect my own-- I tend to be sensitive, and take things very personally, because I am a personable person. lol If that makes any sense what so ever .
• Its ok to freak out, and its ok to cry--  I have done a lot of crying since I left school in May.  This summer has been an emotional roller coaster with friends and family.
• RELAX-- Thinking as great as it is, can be the death of me.  When I think to much I put my mind in all crazy emotions.
• To not be so hard on myself-- Sometimes I have to remember, to  "Save your strength for things that you can change, Forgive the ones you can't,You gotta let 'em go"
• MOST IMPORTANTLY: That people come and go in life, you can't make them stay, but you can remember and cherish the friendships and memories you share.-- There are gonna be those people in my life that are my best friends.  But things happen and I can't keep them in my life forever.  Realizing that was a big growing up moment for me this summer.
• Eat Clean and train Dirty --This summer I have taken fitness to a whole new level, and my diet the same.  I have given up meat this year as a new years resolution (hey one thing on my bucket list is to complete a new years resolution, I mean how many people can say they did that), due to my lactose intolerance my protein shakes are made with almond milk.  And a four mile run is becoming an "easy day". I am down 20lbs and I'm actually gonna do it this year, reach my goal wieght! I recently cut 10 min off of my 15k time for a pr of 1:32:29.

My mom recently asked me "how does it feel to be a success story?".  I paused and said "what?".  She replied, "how does it feel to have done everything you can possibly do and more and succeed".  I sat and looked at her confused, kind of like the look I give most of my engineering test at Clarkson. haha.  I never really thought about being a "success story", or that not many people my age do what I do.  I just grew up thinking that challenging myself was what I was supposed to do, and if I wasn't pushing myself to my limits, I was slacking.  My parents have done a great job in that department especially.  Reminding me not to settle and that hard work will someday get you somewhere.  I am still waiting for the "somewhere" haha, but It's nice to know your parents are proud of you.

So here I sit in my room, the walls are covered with Will Ferrell quotes, my running bibs, magazine covers, and pictures of my childhood.  This room each minute is becoming less and less "my room", and more and more my "vacation home".

But nothing can stop time or the fact that growing up is hard

Here's to growing up, doing the best you can possible do, and not forgetting to be a kid sometimes!

Anybody with me?

Big wheel keep on turnin', Proud Mary keep on burnin'

This is one of my favorite songs well first of all because it has my name in it, I mean what a great name I have =P.  But its a song that has a message to me, specifically.  That no matter what I do my wheels will keep on turning and I will keep on burning.  So far it has explained my fitness, I am on the ball this month of June, I have a calender in my room and mark it with my workout for the day, whether it be a three mile walk, 5 mile run or an hour of Zumba.

I am on track for "engineering" a new me.

Believe it or not I am turning 20 in July.  I only say that because my mom keeps reminding me how I look like a little girl still and my face hasn't changed since I was five.  Luckily for me I think I changed a little over the years I mean I don't have the huge afro or braces anymore lol  And for my 20's I wanna be in the best shape of my life, because a lot happens in your 20's.  No I am not talking about my 21st birthday, I am talking about graduating college, possibly grad school, working, meeting someone that I could possibly marry and have kids with.  Life changing stuff.  My weight isn't something I want "weighing" me down, when I am in my prime.

So every time my legs begin to hurt, I will push myself the extra mile.  When I want to slow down on a zumba song I won't because I know pushing myself will burn the extra calories.  When I wanna cheat on my burpees, I won't because then I am just cheating myself (even though they are a pain in the ass).  When I want to eat that ice cream or extra cookie, I won't because I know I should Eat Clean and Train Dirty, or Train Insane or Remain the Same.

And believe me I don't wanna stay the same.

The weather won't delay or stop me either.  I have to roll with the punches and I will do just that, can't be Proud Mary if I don't have anything to be proud of.

Here's to pushing yourselves past your limits, because just like rules , limits were meant to be broken.


Anybody with me??

Hey I just met you and this is crazy....

OK, a ridiculous title I know, a song that is more like a virus that gets stuck in your head and you can't get rid of it.  I personally LOVE driving around Canjo City to this song, but there is a deeper meaning in why I chose this song, believe me!!

I just recently finished my NBT Bank Teller Training, yes an engineer getting summer employment in the field of banking? It's not what you would expect a civil engineer to do but I mean it's me, I do some crazy unexpected things.  During training I met this woman,Tammy from PA, I know its crazy making a lady from PA come to the big metropolis of Canajoharie to do teller training.  But the weirdest thing is Tammy and I had so much in common, and I had an epiphany.  Its like a time when I would look back to one of those clever sayings you find in inspirational books like Chicken Soup for the Soul and find "People come into your lives for a reason".  And Tammy did just that.  She had curly hair, loved to run, her son was an engineer, and she had my exact personality.  Tammy was me, just the future me. She reminded me that "its never to late to start a new chapter in your life, to run everyday, and to look at yourself every day in the mirror and remind yourself you are beautiful".  Sometimes things in life really do happen for a reason, and Tammy was my motivation to keep doing what I am doing and to work harder.

So I have been home for a month, and I have accomplished a lot so far.  But its June, which means its Boilermaker season! Strict diets and running in the morning, oh gosh how I love my sleep but to be a successful runner getting up at 7 am to run everyday just seems right.

I only hope to accomplish more this summer, and to remember Tammy when I feel like giving up.  And that she would want me to always keep a smile on my face and to I run everyday even if its just a mile.


I will continue to believe that things in life happen for a reason,


Anybody with Me?

I wish I was cold as stone, Then I wouldn't feel a thing. I wish I didn't have this heart, Then I wouldn't know the sting of the rain

A longer title of my blog then I usually chose, but to stick with song lyrics like my other posts.  This one fits me the most right now.  I know it hasn't been very long since my last post, but I'm hoping that writing this post will make me feel better.

Lately I have been in a rut.

Wait let me restart, and tell you why I chose these lyrics.  Lately I have been feeling upset. Upset about leaving Clarkson for the summer, leaving my friends (old residents) , not being able to figure out how I feel about some people, scared for the next semester, and an all around a fear of change.  Yes I am almost 20, and I still get scared.  I am not afraid to say it.  Its just that my sophomore year went so well that I have huge fears about junior year, that it won't measure up, or I won't have as much fun with my residents.  Or I will lose friends, great friends that I made this year.

This rut is coming from emotions, and my sensitivity.  A rut that not even running can fix, and usually running fixes all my problems, well except for shin splints. This is why I wish I was "cold as stone" and didn't have these emotions or thought so much about things or felt the pain I feel.  I get attached to people because I care to much, I want people to be happy and I forget my own happiness.  Then I get myself all worked up, when in the end I know my mom is probably right like she always is "Mary your going to have another great year, because you will make sure of it".  As much as I doubt her she is probably right.

So with the Boilermaker in 50 days, I am gonna keep running.  And I hope that this running will get me out of this rut I'm in.  Because its summer, and I don't want anything holding me back.  

So I am using this Summer to find my happiness and get it back,

Anybody with me?

Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on my way ....

And another year down at Clarkson University, holy hell still feels like I'm walking down that stage grabbing my diploma from my High School principal.  Pretty hard to believe that two more years and I'll be in the real world.  Finals week hit me hard this semester with having to say goodbye to my residents (aka my best friends), a group of kids I will never forget.  Believe me they made me a video, Brooks 3 will never be forgotten and that floor will never be the same.  But finishing the year with a higher GPA, a bunch of new friends, and memories that will last a lifetime, is the best way I could imagine finishing my sophomore year.

As for now i'm home, woohoo Canjo City, where its so exciting I can barely contain myself.  I just have so much time on my hands its ridiculous.  I can sleep through an entire night without having a resident knock on my door at 3am, I shower without flip flops on, I don't have to drag my keys everywhere afraid of being locked out, and I also don't have a resident (friend) in my room to keep me company or make me laugh.  Home has its ups and downs but believe me so does Clarkson.  Its not a one way street.

 I got big plans for the summer,

• I get to recap with my best friend from high school , Jane Marie
• I am working on living with Karen at some point, we're so alike its ridiculous
• A Brooks 3 reunion (I would hope to be in store)
• Working at Horizons in July
• Finding work until then (story of my life)
• Visiting some of my sorority sisters
• Helping my family out
• Getting myself back on track! 

My to-do/to-accomplish list for the summer is only growing, Mines well make the Summer of 2012 a great one!

Is Anybody with me?

I hate this part right here....

Oh the best time of the year, not.  It is a day away from dead week and It's getting to the part of the year I hate the most .. .. Finals.  Where an IV of red bull and coffee are hooked to my arms, and I see less and less of my bed each day.  But this finals week is different from the last, at the end of this finals week I'm going home.  May 5th mom will be here and we will be loading all my things in the KIA, heading for Canjo City.  I can't believe it, another year down and two more to go.  I'm not ready for this thing called the "real world" just yet haha.

The thing I will hate the most these next two weeks, well other than my finals will be saying good-bye.  I absolutely hate saying good-bye, more than anything else.  I'm going to be saying good-bye to my Clarkson Family (Brooks 3).  After May 5th , I will no longer be their RA (which I'm sure they are stoked about), and I will have to meet a new group of 50 freshman in the fall.  Oh god can't wait to do that again.  I made some of the best  memories this year between the numerous hospital visits, drunken teenagers, and late night talks in my room.  All the hell they put me through was definitely worth it but shh don't tell them I said that.  =) .. I hope to see them all this summer, maybe a Brooks 3 reunion is in store haha.  I can only hope I made their freshman year as fun as they made my sophomore year.  And news to my new freshman you got some BIG shoes to fill. Hahaha!

As for this summer I got one job already, always looking for more.  I always like having a full plate even in the summer, gotta stay busy.  Well another job other than being the laundry bitch at home haha.  Gotta love big families.  I got races to train for Boilermaker I hope your ready for Mary Adams, Round 2.  Can't forget Zumba with Carolyn.

But I'm excited to go home, even though its always bittersweet.  Which is a good thing, I have two homes, the "place where i grew up home" and "i am on my own home".  


So Summer 2012 I am so ready for you to start!


Is anybody with me?