Some type of way, Make you feel some type of way....

This blog post is unlike any of my other blog post. Mainly because yes you can sense some feelings in other blog posts but none of them are about expressing feelings or expressing feelings for another person.  Before this sounds like a diary entry circa fifth grade let me clear something up: I am NOT confessing my love to someone through a blog post. I was recently catching up on this show called Awkward. It's on MTV and for the people that haven't watched it, its about typical high school drama and crushes. 

It made me reminisce on my past crushes. For example in elementary school when this guy gave me a fat lip on the playground. Once I woke up in the nurses office, I remember my friends saying the next day "OMG you guys are totally getting married". I grinned with my new fat lip as blood rolled down my face. 

As I am writing this I am literally laughing my ass of it sounds so dumb, but it's true.  

As we grow up we have crushes on people. And almost 90% of the time we don't tell them, but we let ourselves get hurt by watching them fall in love with someone else. I am guilty of this but I also have expressed my feelings.

I have tried multiple tactics........

1) That random Tuesday night text finally getting my feelings off my chest, to only realize the next day my friend asked me if I was drunk texting him. Most people would say on a TUESDAY??! But with me it sounded like a good assumption.

2) I tried the surprise gifts and inside jokes, that only lead to what could of been the worst outcome to sending someone something. And I didn't even get a thank you. 

3) I tried the DTR (Define The Relationship) well that worked for a night? 

As I hope many of you are getting a laugh about how awkward my life has been, I hope you are learning something too. You have to tell people how you feel, no matter how embarrassed you might be. What's the worst that can happen you can have a story like mine? Well then you will have a pretty awesome blog that a lot of people read. 

But the best thing about telling people how you feel is you only need that one person to have the same feelings back. I mean that's how relationships start right, you find that one person. So no matter how many times you get rejected you only need one person to say "Hey you know what Mary I think you are really baller too". I am guessing you guys want a little more romantic reaction then me but feelings still make me uneasy. 

So all I am saying is step out of your comfort zone, and express your feelings. You might get hurt, but don't just wait around in a WTF relationship, because feelings aren't something that are easy to understand. YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THEM, no matter how uncomfortable they make you feel. 

Ya know what I'm sayin'?

I'm ready to express my feelings..................................................I think?

Anybody with me?

Hey Summer How you been .....

Being home for the summer, reminds me of being a little kid. The days where I thought I would eat a fruit gusher and my head would turn into a watermelon. The days I thought  that the moon followed our car everywhere we went at night. The days I couldn't let my feet hang off the bed because I was scared of  that monster under my bed.

OK you got me, I still don't let my feet hang off the bed at night.

Time is a weird concept. Mainly because it has gone by so fast, but I still feel so young. Don't get me wrong, I do somewhat miss the days where I had no worries in the world, I mean I didn't even have to take care of my own hair. My dad took care of that, made sure I had a pony tail on the side of my head.

That my friends is the sign of the best looking kid at school.

But being home also feels weird. I feel as if I have exhausted all I can out of Canajoharie and that I need to move on. This only solidifies the move I will be making in August. Some of my friends have already started their new chapter and it seems like I keep reading the same page over and over again: " Mary Adams from Canajoharie graduates Clarkson University .. Mary Adams from Canajo...". 

It is a weird feeling, the feeling you get when you are kind of (key words: kind of) ready to be an adult.

But I am taking full advantage of this summer. I am enjoying free delicious meals, hanging out with my siblings, saving money (which is also a plus). It is nice to have time for self reflection, catching up on sleep and being a kid just a little longer. Why? Well because I can, and everyone thinks I'm 15 anyways.

And just because my little sisters are taller than me does not mean they are older than me!

Feeling young but anxious,
Anybody with me?

"Follow your arrow wherever it points..."

This post goes out to Cub 1 my freshman year, my brooks 3 and brooks 2 residents, my residence life family, James, the CDC (Karen and Kyle), #thebestaround,my KDX sisters, and my other friends few far and in between.

It has been 3 days since I graduated college and my feelings are still mixed about the whole thing. Graduation came and went. I then spent that night packing up my room and went to bed at midnight, when I got a phone call from James at 1:30 am. He wanted to stop by and say goodbye. As James said his goodbye and drove away I realized this wasn't a "See you in August" goodbye, it was more like "Bye for now", I'll see you when I see you goodbye. Then it finally hit. I am not a student or kid anymore, I'm an adult with a job starting in August.

So now that I dedicated this blog to all the people that made my four years at Clarkson, I would like to say THANK YOU. Thank you for busting my chops and making me better at comebacks, thank you for the crazy nights out on the town, thank you for the laughs and most importantly thank you for the stories; the unforgettable stories. 

To those who still have school left: enjoy it, make memories, do something for the story, because Potsdam is not the real world. Let's be real, Potsdam is it's only little secluded town. Enjoy some more nights filled with dancing at streets and for your classier days head to fields. I am sure they are gonna miss Karen and I, as regulars so someone will have to take our place. Oh and don't forget BTB, or trivia night! 

For those who graduated with me, follow your arrow wherever it points! As cliche as this sounds, keep in touch! Together we built this four year foundation on which our degrees lie, and we can't forget each other because of new beginnings. Fill me in with your ups and your downs, or when you need advice or just a laugh. Whether we stay in touch via snapchat, instagram (throwback thursdays) or random facebook posts, it will still be nice to know that I'll be remembered. 

As most of my friends at school know I am notorious for saying "bye forever" or "see you never" as I hate getting emotionally attached to people or things. I was unable to make a joke of saying goodbye to Clarkson or my college friends, because although I tried not to cry all of graduation or senior week. I did shed a tear as we pulled away from Clarkson and when James did also. Clarkson made me who I am today, along with the wonderful friends I have made over my last 4 years. 

Cheers to the people in our life that give us stories to tell. 

Here's to becoming an adult! (eeek)

Anybody with me?

"There's a hero If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid Of what you are"

As I end my senior year, my sorority asked me to write a blurb about who my hero is.. 

Let me tell you..

So we are supposed to write about our hero right? And you all think I am going to pick this bodacious singer, dancer and woman I hope to be, right? Well you are all right, my hero is myself. I am a bodacious singer, dancer and woman I hope to be. Before this sounds so self-conceited, let me explain.

            As I grew up I wasn't that kid that wanted to grow up faster, I wanted to be the age I was at. But I did have certain goals that I set myself for certain ages. When I was in first grade I wanted to be the mayor of my second grade class. I did that. As a second grader my goal in third grade was to be the fastest person to complete the multiplication quizzes from 0 to 9 and beat out all the guys, I did just that. My third grade goal was that I wanted to be on the high honor roll for all of 4^th grade and 5^th grade, and I accomplished that academic goal too. As years went by I became a middle schooler who wanted bigger goals like my driver’s license and graduating in the top ten of my high school class. I did that also. I wanted to graduate Clarkson University with a job and a degree, in about 4 weeks I will do that too. But why am I my own hero? My hero is me in 10 years, and after those 10 years, my hero will be me in another 10 years. 

My hero is someone that I will keep chasing and never really meet, but the chase is worth the goals and accomplishments. Alright Alright Alrightttt.. you may have heard this from Matthew Mcconaughey during his Oscar speech but my mom called me the day after the Oscars to tell me “Mary this is so you, you are your own hero”. While most of you will choose your mom’s as your hero’s which is fine, but my own mother knows me that well to tell me this. I set goals for myself that I want to achieve and my hero keeps setting more goals for myself. These goals are goals that I couldn't have accomplished without the support of my family or friends, but all goals that I set for myself. The best part about my life; I control it. But I always looked to advance myself within areas like my career, personal challenges, or bettering my family.

            But let’s get real, every hero meets their conflicts. My other goal I set for myself was to get in to Phalanx a very high leadership honor society at Clarkson University. Well I was nominated but was not inducted. Some goals haven’t been easy to accomplish or haven't been accomplished at all. That's why heroes are so great, they aren't perfect and sometimes they can't reach their goal. Just like I won't ever reach my hero. But a hero is someone who rolls with the punches and as long as they are proud of themselves that is all that should matter.A hero asks for help in time of need and looks for their supporters to better themselves and everyone around them. Your hero asks for help, your hero falls apart, your hero is someone you will always chase, and your hero ends every day with a smile on their face.

            

So everybody, I love Beyoncé, my family, my friends but my hero makes me want to be better than the person I was yesterday. So act like a lady, think like a boss and make me proud.

Going to bed with a smile on my face,

Anybody with me?

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock.

So after taking my last trip back to Clarkson as an Undergrad, graduation is less than 7 weeks away. Most people have asked me if I am sad about leaving. People are silly, I don't have emotions about leaving. I am ready, SO ready to move on. 

Clarkson welcomed back all of their seniors with a manila envelop enclosing their total amount of student loans, I had to find time to finish my last RD duties and plan a formal for my sorority. Senioritis is at an all time high at this point as I received an email with my start date of August 11th. All the sleep I caught up on at home over break has vanished as I feel like I am under a never ending to-do list. Clarkson really knows how to send their seniors off with a bang.

I have never really complained about Clarkson but as I come back after break all I can think of is one word: "done". I am done with the cold weather, done with the lack of willingness to change,and most importantly DONE with drama.

The only thing I will miss is the people that have helped me grow, including my best friends (Karen, Kyle, Jeff, James etc), my boss Peggy Jarvis (by far the best boss I will ever have), Kate Mikel for getting me thorough my freshman year, my sorority little Jess Draper (for literally being the best little a girl could have), and Steve Newkofsky for just being the man. Clarkson has great people and I am blessed to have met the people I have.

But Where the fun at?

For the next weeks I am here I have a lot of work to do but a lot of fun to have also. I am doing the talent show with Karen again! This time we will bring home the cash moneys. I have my senior formal to go to, couldn't be more excited. And some trips to Ebens, Maxfields, and BTB in between.

Potsdam, you have harvested a bunch of memories for me and hopefully even some more in the next weeks. But like high school, four years is enough for me!

 I'm a peacock you got to let me fly.

Anybody with me?

"I don't ever wanna leave this town, 'Cause after all This city never sleeps at night"

Ahh after an interesting weekend in the Dirty Dam, I realized despite the weather or Potsdam's other flaws, this place is one of a kind. Between the endless nights, dancing and random trips to hot tamales; every night is an adventure. Whether your are running to avoid the cold or running into people you haven't seen in a week. The dirty dam is probably one of my favorite locations.

As some of you might know after graduation I am heading to Washington DC to start my "next chapter" as cliche as that saying is. Everyone tells me "It must be nice already having a job, you don't have any stress". Actually I do, I don't know if people don't realize that I'm from a place called Canajoharie. It's Native American for a "pot that washes itself". As you can imagine, Canajoharie is a flourishing city. Then I went to college in a place in which I have to tell people I am practically in Canada. So I have always been a small town girl.

Yes I have stress, everybody does. 

I am nervous to graduate, because I have already made 2 places my home: Clarkson and Canajoharie. And after the summer I will have to start all over again. Building a new home, #startingfromthebottom

But enough of the feels, because no one wants that.

Being a senior is a blessing and a curse. Senioritis is so real. But I have my CDC to make sure we are always chilling at the end of the day. I am a month down in the year of 2014, and I can already tell this is a year to make stuff happen.

With February break coming up, I can't go home but I am missing the Adams' family so much. Nothing beats hearing my little brother's sassy voice on the phone. Or the fact that we have two phones at our house and while my mom is talking on one, my siblings are talking on the other. My family is all I need to get through these next months and with my big step to DC.

Heres to enjoying what Potsdam truly has to offer, and family and friends that are the best!

Is Anybody with me?

Just a small town girl....

With 2014 starting off with a bang, I have already finished a new years resolution. I recently conquered the fear of flying with a trip to DC. Also this small town girl learned to navigate the city on the metro. It was quite the experience. I did my best regardless of the outcome, made some people laugh. My one goal of all interviews.

I decided for 2014, I would try to accomplish as many new years resolutions as possible. I really would like to run a marathon this year, be in the best shape possible, get a job and those only scrape the surface of my "to-do" list. I see 2014 as a way to really make something of myself, this is the year that I have opportunities to begin a career path.

This is a big year for me since I will be graduating in May, from the place I have called home for four years. Am I scared? oh hell yes. Am I excited? Well no one wants to take classes their entire life.

I am heading back to Clarkson tomorrow, with the thought of starting my last semester. It just seems so unreal. I remember my mom dropping me off my first day, it's amazing how far I have come. But before I can reminisce I still have good times to make.

I will still be managing 18 credits, my RA staff, multiple roles in my sorority, a work study job and more. I only have a semester left to leave my mark at Clarkson. I am excited to see what this semester brings.

This small town girl knows their is a big world out there, and she's ready for it.

Here's to accomplishing resolutions, believing in yourself, and standing out!

Is Anybody With Me?